Idlebones

Alka-Seltzer

My Stomach felt so distended I thought that if I farted my shirt would
deflate like a crumpling tent. Something I ate at the salad bar that
day was not happy with the idea anymore and wanted out. I hovered
around the bath room for a while, flexing and deflexing my stomach
muscles, seating and unseating myself on the toilet and drinking whale
sized mouthfuls of water. None of it worked, so I had to resort to
plan B. Tesco’s.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Idle Stuff | 1 Comment »

Internet Access

Last night I stayed at one of those perfect examples of a family run
hotel. When I asked for a room with internet access they sent me up to
room 166 “specially”. when i got there, and couldn’t find a network
port, i rang backdown to reception to ask about it….

“Yes, we do have internet access in the rooms. It’s in reception”
“Sorry?”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Idle Stuff | No Comments »

Sophie Turns Three

 

Dads smiling voice answered the phone on it’s second ring.

“Hello?”
Raucous noise in the background, a shrill, excited voice singing happily, and adult voices laughing loudly.

“I take it she’s arrived then” I said with a laugh.

I’m not surprised by my rude omission of the word “they” for “She”. Adam and Jean are home for Sophie’s 3rd birthday, but of course, my favorite little niece is the scene stealer as usual. Helen had arrived earlier in the week with my favorite little nephew, all bundled up in his carry cot. Awake by the time they reached Mimi and Granddads, Cians little fists grabbed  for anything put in his way. Big broad grins and big smiling eyes as he was passed from Grandparent to grandparent, Uncle to mother. He seems to have inherited his mothers eyes and his fathers athletic physic. Later, I’m sure, we will be subjected to both their silly senses of humor and gleeful senses of fun. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Idle Stuff | 1 Comment »

The Wrong Door

I believe I had my proudest moment last week in a B&B in Cork City last week.

The Room I had had an ensuite that has another door out into the corridor, so
that the bathroom could be used as a communal bathroom when needed.
Of course, not having been informed, I didn’t realise that the
bathroom, therefore, had an extra door.

At about 4 in the morning I got up to use the toilet and wandered into
the bathroom buck naked. Not thinking, I turned around and went into
another door, closing it behind me before I realised i was in the corridor.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Idle Stuff | 3 Comments »

Enfield Rifles

I was in the Moyvalley House hotel and Golf club, near Enfield, tucked
away down a country lane with no signposts, especially designed to get
me lost. After one hour of driving around muddy backlanes, cursing
loudly at the voice on the Sat Nav as it kept telling me to “Turn
around whenever possible” I finally gave in and stopped to ask a
farmer. He looked at me as if I was threatening to run naked through
his cornfield.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Idle Stuff | 4 Comments »